


What You're Fighting For

by httpstiles



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, How Do I Tag, Hurt/Comfort, Keith (Voltron) Needs a Hug, Keith (Voltron) is Bad at Feelings, M/M, Matt Holt is the best, POV Outsider, Post-Season/Series 04, Soft keith, can't believe that's not a tag already, keith is self-sacrificing, lance has opinions about that, out of character shiro, shiro's not shiro, soft Lance, this is probably the softest shit i've ever written
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-21
Updated: 2017-10-21
Packaged: 2019-01-20 14:29:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12434751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/httpstiles/pseuds/httpstiles
Summary: Matt had rationalized it in his head, but now he can't look at Keith and think it was all that simple. Matt knows what happened the day of the fight, and he knows there were limited options, but he can't help but wonder about what's really going on in the boy's head.ORMatt thinks certain things about Keith's self-sacrificing acts, tries to talk to someone about talking to Keith, then can't remember how he was almost blown up.





	What You're Fighting For

**Author's Note:**

> TRIGGER WARNINGS: Suicidal Thoughts / (Possibly) Depression  
> (While it is never explicitly stated that the character wants to kill themselves, it is implied they don't care whether they live or die.)

At first it hadn’t bothered Matt. Logically speaking, they’d been in a really tight situation, so Keith being ready to sacrifice his life wasn’t actually that out of the box. Of course, he knew a life lost would be terrible, and he knew who Keith was to his sister and her friends, but it had come down to his life or what seemed to be more than a couple solar systems.

At least, that’s how Matt tried to rationalize it in his head.

As time has passed since that major battle, Matt’s noticed that Keith isn’t really that happy. Ever since the tense talk between Lotor and the main heads of the Voltron Coalition, Keith’s dedication to the Blade of Marmora has wavered, and he’s favored being with the rest of the paladins. Considering the long mission that he initially left to focus on is now cancelled, Keith has had the time, and fortunately Kolivan hasn’t seemed to mind all that much because Keith still sticks to a strict training schedule. This has given Matt plenty of time to see who Keith is for the most part, and now he’s worried. Keith was going to _kill himself_ without even saying goodbye to anyone. He remembers screaming for Keith, wondering _what the hell_ he was doing, but it never occurred to him what it all meant.

It doesn’t quite process until he’s on the floor of Pidge’s room, trying to sleep, listening to her breathing and realizing how close they had all come to death. Keith hadn’t even thought twice before changing his trajectory. Was that a decision that went deeper than the mission?

 

He needs to talk to someone about it. He’s not sure anyone else even realizes what Keith had planned to do because no one’s _said_ anything.

Which brings him to his next problem. Matt isn’t in any position to talk to Keith. It just isn’t his place; they were allies in combat _once_ , and had barely spoken to each other outside of the mission. He needs to figure out who he can tell so they can talk to Keith.

Thus, begins his mission.

 

First, he tries his sister. When they were younger they’d had a tight bond, and after some hanging out, they realize that that hasn’t changed in the least bit, but it becomes quickly apparent that she’s not the one to talk to Keith. While Pidge loves each of her teammates will a fire in her heart that will burn anyone trying to hurt them down to ground, she’s definitely not connected Keith on that emotional level.

Matt looks to Shiro soon after, and then quickly decides against him. He can’t quite place his finger on it, but something about his demeanor has changed since he saw him last. Matt knows that Shiro went through torture in order to stay alive, to keep himself and his dad alive, too. He knows it must have changed him to an extent, but something about how Shiro carried himself had remained a constant through that all, a rock that Matt had clung to in order to keep his sanity, and Matt can’t see it anymore. He can’t see the man he looked up to and almost considered a friend. He can see that Shiro cares about the team, but there’s something about him lacking the same compassion he showed just a couple of years ago.

Hunk turns out to be a no, similar to why he decided not to tell Pidge, although he had gone as far as breaching the subject, and Hunk had kindly and vaguely implied that if he needed someone to talk to, Lance was great at video games and advice.

 

So Matt set his eyes on Lance; Lance the boy who shot him steel daggers when he’d looked at Allura with that extra bit of interest, the same boy who wanted everything with a dash of “razzle dazzle”. Then again, Lance was also the same guy who Pidge said shielded Coran when the Galra had infiltrated the castle and blew up the Crystal.

That’s how he finds himself next to Lance.

While Lance is still some few years younger than Matt, he has a sort of confidence that radiates, making it hard to ask about playing _video games_ of all things. He stands from the lounging area and retreats to Pidge’s room before his presence can be acknowledged by anyone.

 

He finds something interesting in the dynamic between Lance and Keith the more he puts it off. Matt catches them bickering and making fun of each other, pushing each other to their limits on the training deck, but he notes the lack of heat behind words, no cold between their touches. More often than not, when Lance is walking away and Keith is still stood in his place, he’s looking at Lance, and he’s smiling. It reminds him of how his mom would look at his father, with that fond look that says _I can’t believe I love that man._

Matt’s watching them with his sister when he realizes he’s compared the two boys to his parents– his parents who are _in love_. He turns to Pidge to see if she’d noticed it too, or if he was overanalyzing. She’s already out of her seat and racing to switch out with Lance.

 

His moment comes two days after the Training Room Incident (or so he’s calling it because he’s sure that moments like that deserve a name). Hunk is cooking something on one side of the kitchen counter, and Matt and Lance are seated on stools opposite of him. Matt is kind of just watching Hunk, while the other two blabber on about something that he hasn’t been paying much mind to.

Hunk catches on that Matt is trying to talk to Lance, because Hunk is pretty observant like that, and offers him his window of opportunity.

“Hey, so, Lance, not that I mind your company, but shouldn’t you go do something before it gets late? You have way too much energy. You’ll never get to sleep.”

Hunk says it very casually, but Matt can hear the undertones of concern for the boy. Matt has seen Lance up late, now that he thinks about it, usually walking around or sometimes on the observation deck, sitting in one spot but leg bouncing away. He’s only been up himself because his sleeping schedule hadn’t adjusted to theirs yet.

“I’ve already trained today, and I’m too exhausted to do anything physical.” Lance quickly replies with no less than his usual exaggeration. “I need to drain the brain.”

“What about some video games?” Matt offers.

Lance considers this and replies, “Well, there is this one level I can’t get past without a second player.” It’s an open invitation and Matt takes it as a win. He’d been worried that the moment he spoke, he’d be treated like he didn’t belong in the conversation.

“C’mon then!” Matt shouts, letting himself come out of his shell, feeling more acceptance than before. “You got yourself a partner in crime.”

“Okay!” Lance matches his enthusiasm, already standing and sounding ready to take on the world. “Let’s do this!” Lance races ahead of him and Matt looks back at Hunk, shooting him a grateful smile before chasing after Lance.

 

Lance cheers as they complete the level that he’d been stuck on, though it’d taken some time and it was nearing dinner.

“Aw, man! I can’t believe we beat it! I never could’ve done it without you,” Lance flops onto his back and looks over to Matt appreciatively.

“It was a little tricky, I admit. It doesn’t help that the controller has lag.”

  
“What?!” Lance shoots up again.

“Yeah, I’m surprised Hunk didn’t notice it before.” Lance raises an eyebrow at this.

  
“What do you mean ‘Hunk’?”

“Oh, I assumed you played with Hunk.”

“Nah, man. Hunk’s isn’t as into video games. He’s more of a card games type, believe it or not.” Lance doesn’t offer an answer to the unasked question as to who he has been playing with so Matt decides against prompting him for one.

Matt leans against the side of the bed, closer to Lance than he’s ever been, the next level of the game flashing on the screen waiting to be started.

“Your silence is crazy loud, dude. What’s buggin’?” Matt has to give Lance props. The boy is more attentive than he initially assumed.

“It’s Keith,” he finally says after a moment. “I’m worried about him.”

Lance tilts his head in confusion, a silent prompt for Matt to elaborate.

“Do you remember when shit hit the fan a couple weeks ago and Lotor saved us all?”

“Vividly.”

“Before he came in, do you recall me shouting at Keith, or what he was doing?” Lance’s eyebrows furrow in confusion.

“Yeah, I heard you, but I figured he was just doing something risky.”

“It was a bit more than that. He got ahold of a Galra fighter to join the firefight. Our firepower wasn’t enough to penetrate the force field, but the Galra fighters can travel in and out of it.”

“I don’t follow…” Matt looked Lance in the eyes, then quickly looked away.

“Keith was going to fly himself into the ship. He was going to sacrifice himself for everyone else.”

  
Lance’s jaw drops, and shock and fear cross his face all at once. Matt rushes to continue before Lance can get lost in thought.

“Unfortunately, it was logical. I get that. And I really hate to assume things about people or diagnose them with something they don’t actually have, but I just can’t help but wonder if that was an action he was ready to take for more reasons than the mission.” Matt finds that he’s been holding his breath. “Keith is...” he trails off, not sure what to say.

“He’s not exactly the happiest,” Lance concludes for him.

“And I can’t help but feel I’m not the person who should talk to him about it.”

“You think I am?!” Lance’s eyes widen considerably and then he calms again. “Sorry, I just don’t see that conversation ending well.” Matt laughs and shakes his head.

“Dude, you’re so oblivious. You’re the perfect person for the job. I don’t know if you’ve realized this or not, but Keith rarely smiles.”

“I know _that_.”

“He only smiles around you.”

“Um, hellooo, I’m a known comedian,” he remarks nonchalantly. “We been knew.”

“You and I both know that it’s more than that.” A small smile plays on Lance’s lips, like he’s trying to hide it. “Out of everyone on this ship, out of anyone he knows, he’s probably closest to you.” Lance thinks it over, staring at a small spot on the ground in front of them.

“Yeah, I guess I am. I’ll have to talk to him–”

“Paladins!” Comes Allura’s voice through the intercoms. “Please get here immediately. We have a problem!” Lance and Matt look from each other to the speaker in the wall, then to each other again.

 

An aching sensation hits him first. A moment passes and it starts rolling in heavy; it feels like someone is taking a drill to the right side of his head.

“Hey, hey, Matt,” he hears a voice saying. “Matt are you awake?”

Matt can’t place the voice of whoever’s talking to him, but it sounds muffled.

A ringing becomes consistently louder and he moves to cover his ear, but a hand stops him and cold touches his forehead. He winces and tries to pull away, but his limbs feel heavy and his body aches, particularly on his left side.

“Matt, it’s Lance.” Lance. He knows Lance. The boy won’t hurt him.

“Matt, it’s me Pidge. It’s Katie, Matt. I’m here, too.” Pidge’s voice filters in from his left and he can feel her hand, barely touching the left side of his face. She moves it to his own hand. “Squeeze my hand if you can hear me.” Matt complies and the breath she’d been holding hits his face, ridding him of some of the heat he can feel radiating off of his own body.

“How is he?” He hears a third voice shout, immediately followed by a grunt. This person is some distance away.

“Stop straining yourself!” Lance shouts back at them.

Matt winces at the sting of the volume so close to his ear and Lance starts mumbling apologies repeatedly. He sounds tense and worried.

As he wakes more, sensation from the rest of his body comes to him and he tests the waters. His left side definitely hurts, but it’s the right side of his face that makes him want to go right the hell back to sleep. The sound in his ear is muffled and a ringing accompanies it whenever someone makes a sound. His head aches too, along with his jaw.

“What happened?” He figures his jaw isn’t broken if he can talk, but the pain wants to say otherwise.

“You don’t remember?” Pidge asks softly.

He shakes his head as a warm moist towel replaces the cold, slightly dabbing at his forehead.

  
“Dude,” Lance says just a breath above a whisper, “you almost got blown up. You’d be dead if it weren’t for Keith.”

Keith. Everyone is silent for a moment.

“That reckless son of a biscuit eater,” is Matt’s reply.

Pidge and Lance laugh in response and there’s a broken off squawking sound from whoever was shouting earlier; he guesses it’s Keith.

Matt finally opens his eyes a bit and turns his head to see he’s guessed right, though Keith isn’t looking too hot, propped up on a medical bed too.

“Thanks,” he adds on before Keith can get another sound or word in. “How’d I almost implode?”

  
Pidge is about to respond, but when Matt glances up at Lance, he sees a white towel, soaked in red.

“Holy shit, is that mine?”

He passes out.

 

When Matt opens his eyes next he’s still in the med bay and a majority of the pain is gone. A glance to his side shows him that Pidge is no longer there, but if it’s any time close to when he’s guessing, it’s pretty damn late. Everyone is probably asleep.

“What do you mean?” _Not everyone apparently._

Matt peeks a little more to the left than he’d initially given the effort to and finds Keith in the same bed he was in earlier. The only difference is that he’s removed his armor, and Lance is sitting in front of him in his pajamas.

“I mean exactly what I said,” Lance insists stubbornly. “You can’t be pulling risky stunts like that.” It takes Matt a moment to realize Lance is talking to Keith.

His stomach twists and suddenly Matt feels like he should really be anywhere but here, anywhere he can’t hear this conversation. It’s a serious and private matter; there’s a reason he’d talked to Lance about _talking_ to Keith.

“Risky stunts like that save the mission,” Keith replies. He’s much more collected than Matt would have assumed of the known hot head. “That risky move _saved_ Matt.”

Matt tries not to make a noise at this. He still hasn’t remembered anything about the mission. He doesn’t even remember leaving Lance’s room, now that he thinks about it.

“I know.” Lance sounds frustrated and doesn’t offer any more to say. It’s said with such matter of fact that Matt hears all the unsaid words. He hears everything Lance is scared to say.

Matt has known that Keith has feelings for Lance, but it’s only just now that he’s seeing how Lance feels about Keith, and suddenly Lance’s actions make sense.

It’s Lance that jabs at Keith, but it’s what pulls him into a conversation with everyone else when Keith is sticking to himself. It’s Lance that’s constantly challenging Keith, but it’s what motivates him to be better. Lance starts ridiculous arguments he knows he can’t win because it makes Keith laugh, and Lance never minds when he’s “proven wrong” because he sees Keith as his equal.

“I don’t understand what the problem is.”

Lance sighs looking down at his hands in his lap.

“Why are you so worried about me anyway?”

“Because I care about you, idiot.”

Matt stops breathing.

He didn’t think this is where the conversation was heading _at all_.

Yet, he’s not surprised. Matt sought out Lance because he knew how much he cared about Keith, he just never realized the extent until now.

Matt wonders if Lance had realized before the words came out of his mouth.

“I’m not an id–”

“Don’t deflect.” Silence hangs in the air around them and if Matt wasn’t on alien drugs he’s sure he’d be much more uncomfortable listening in on this.

“What do you mean you care about me?”

“I think we both know what I mean.”

“I know.” Keith whispers, but his heart is screaming. “But I need you to say it out loud for me.”

Lance mutters something under his breath.

“What?”

“Okay, Keith, I am like one percent sure I like you!” It’s the loudest either of them have been and it startles Matt enough for him to move his hand. It’s only now that he realizes his hearing is back to normal, seeing as no ringing follows.

“What do you mean one percent?” Keith asks, his confusion mirroring Matt’s own.“Are we even on the same page? I thought– What about the other ninety-nine percent?”

“Well, that’s how much I’m sure I love you.”

Keith sucks in a sharp breath, and Matt’s eyes widen so much that he feels a slight throb from where his head had been aching earlier.

“Are you serious?”

“Yeah,” Lance replies with a little less confidence. “It’s the real deal.” He starts picking at a loose thread on the end of his shirt.

“I just- I don’t understand. What does that have to do with my actions in the field? The decisions I make are based on what’s best for _everyone_ , not just whatever will benefit _me_ the most.”

“I know that. I don’t doubt it.” Keith motions for Lance to elaborate further. “Matt told me about what you did a couple weeks ago, how you were going to fly into the ship.”

Keith closes his eyes and takes a couple of breathes.

“It was the only option.”

“I know.”

“There was nothing else we could have done.”

“I know,” Lance admits sadly.

“It was my life for _billions_.”

“I _know_.”

“Then tell me what you _don’t_ know.”

“Did you want to do it?”

The question clearly catches Keith off guard. He’d already had a response planned, but he cuts himself off, mouth hanging slightly agape.

“What do you mean?” he asks after a moment.

“I mean _did you want to do it?_ ” Lance asks.

Keith doesn’t give a response before Lance continues on.

“It’s like I said, I know you. I know you’re not happy, and I know how hard this lifestyle has been on us all, especially you. I know the risks of this war, too, but I worry… I worry that somewhere along the way, you stopped caring whether you lived or died out there.”

Keith still doesn’t speak.

Matt isn’t sure how much time goes by before Lance speaks up again.

“It’s okay to be tired of fighting, Keith. I just need to know what you’re tired of fighting.”

“Everything,” Keith says. And then he’s falling back against his pillow and crying.

Lance repositions to cradle Keith into his arms and speaks words of comfort into his ear that don’t quite reach Matt’s.

Matt looks away then, trying both to give them privacy and block out Keith’s crying and gasping.

 

Matt’s almost asleep again when noise jolts him awake again. Matt peeks at the two boys and sees Lance shifting to lay beside Keith. The latter is no longer crying, but his eyes are puffy and he sniffles a little.

“Hey, Lance?”

“Yeah?”

“I– I can’t be something I’m not. I care about you, but I don’t know if I love you. I’ve never loved someone before and I… I just don’t know.” Lance just smiles.

“That’s fine, Keith.” Lance wraps his arm around the back of the pillows, placing his hand on the side of Keith’s head. He pulls Keith a bit closer and presses his lips to the side of his head.

_Oh my God that shit was emotional._

The boys startle and their eyes shoot in his direction. Matt’s eyes widen considerably.

“Matt?” Lance questions.

“Matt’s not here right now!” Oh my God.

Matt turns his face away, embarrassed. _Did I actually say that out loud?_

“Yes!” Keith supplies.

“I… am invisible,” Matt says instead of trying to deal with the fact that he’s just admitted to hearing things he shouldn’t have.

“You’re not.” Keith says. “How much of that did you hear?”

Matt blows a raspberry.

“ _Matt_.”

“Keith,” Lance interjects. “Matt already knew. He’s the one that told me about what happened in the fight.”

“Speaking of fights, are you guys going to tell me what happened?”

“Oh.” Keith responds to Lance, not having heard Matt at all.

Matt assumes they’re still having their moment, so he let’s it slide.

“I don’t know what you’re used to things being like, but you have people who care about you now. We need you to care about yourself too so we can have you around a little longer.”

_Oh God._

Matt is happy for the two connecting and communicating, but he really wishes he could pass out right now.

“I’ll work on that.”

The two fall into silence and Matt falls asleep again soon after.

 

When Matt walks into the dining hall the next morning ( _or is it afternoon already?_ ), Pidge, Lance, and Allura immediately jump up and rush to him asking him questions. He startles, still half asleep, and doesn’t catch a single thing they say.

“Slow down,” he whines. “I just woke up. Give a guy a GAC.”

“A GAC is a currency, not a time measurement,” Pidge corrects in a rush.

“Are you okay?” Allura asks immediately after.

“Yeah,” Lance chimes in. “You hit your head really hard yesterday!”

“You almost died!” Pidge shouts. Matt side eyes them, sliding to the left like it’s the _Cha Cha Slide_ , and makes his way to an open seat at the table.

“About that– None of you have told me what happened.” Everyone looks at each other.

A couple of audible blinks later and Pidge hisses, “You _cursed_.”

Matt gasps and points a finger at Pidge. “You liar!”

“You did!”

“Wait!” Allura shouts, alarmed. “Matt is cursed?”

Shiro, who’s remained silent with the others, jumps in and says, “Allura, he’s not cursed.” She gasps.

“He _cursed_ someone.” She asks accusingly.

“No.” his time it’s Hunk who adds in. “It’s another way of saying that he said a bad word.”

“But I didn’t!” Matt pipes up again.

“What is a ‘bad word’?” Coran asks, peeking around Hunk.

“It’s like saying ‘quiznak’,” Keith supplies, having seemingly appeared out of nowhere. “It can be worse, though. It just depends on which bad word you say.”

“I didn’t curse, though!” Matt says again.

“Sorry to break it to you, buddy, but I was right there.” Lance waves his hand in some odd motion. “You said–”

“Lance,” Shiro cuts him off.

“Lance isn’t a bad word,” Matt quips.

Shiro groans and places his head in his hands. He can’t believe he lives like this.

–

Bonus Scene:

“Hey, do you want to try that level again?” Keith asks once he and Lance have finished sparring.

“Oh! I forgot to tell you! Matt and I beat it yesterday! I guess the second controller has a lag so he figured out the timing and helped me.” Keith’s face falls, but Lance catches it before Keith has the chance to brush it off. “Woah, Keith. What’s wrong?”

“I knew the controller was lagging,” Keith admits. “I didn’t say anything because I wanted to spend more time with you.” He’s _blushing_.

“Keith, my buddy, did you think we wouldn’t play together after we beat the level?” Keith shrugs and looks down.

“Maybe?” Keith brings his hand up to his neck and rubs it anxiously. “I figured you just needed me for the level and that would be it.”

“Not only is that the furthest from the truth, but there’s a whole videogame to conquer!” Lance reaches for Keith’s hand, but the boy pulls away.

“It’s fine, Lance. Controller issues aside, we both know I’m not that great at these games. Maybe you want someone like Matt on your team?”

Lance smiles softly at him.

“You’re the only one I want on my team, mullet, whether you’re good or not. We can take it one step at time.”

Keith looks up into Lance’s eyes.

“Are you sure?” The boy sounds so _hopeful_.

“Ninety-nine percent,” Lance responds with a wink.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! Not only is this my first Klance fic, but also my first Voltron fic! I tried to stay as in character as I could, so I hope you all enjoy! Thank you for reading and please leave Kudos if you enjoyed :)  
> Find me on Twitter - @macnstiles


End file.
